BEing Your Authentic Self Through the Holidays, and Always
Nov 11, 2024
As the holiday season draws near, you may be anticipating a mixed bag of meaningful, joyful moments, as well as stress and tension, particularly related family gatherings. Research shows that nearly 40% of people report heightened stress during the holidays. There are multiple factors, ie financial pressure, and social expectations, but the most stress is related to family dynamics.
Research highlights that family of origin stress often stems from a deep-seated bind between our need for belonging and our desire to feel safe in our authentic selves. During childhood, our attachment to caregivers shapes our foundational beliefs about safety, acceptance, and self-worth. According to attachment theory, pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby, as children we develop attachment styles based on our early interactions with caregivers. This is crucial to our sense of belonging, and influences whether we feel accepted for who we are.
When our caregivers provide consistent emotional support, we feel secure and develop a stronger sense of self. That said, no family is perfect, and even the best intentions, don’t have the desired impact.
If our childhood experience of belonging was conditional or tied to certain behaviors, we develop the implicit belief that our authentic selves might not be fully accepted. We adopt behaviors, and even personalities that align with our family's expectations, while our authentic self remains unexpressed.
Our nervous systems interpret rejection or conditional acceptance as a threat to safety. The result is a learned survival strategy where self-protection becomes rooted in adapting to family dynamics rather than expressing our true self.
Dr. Gabor Maté, a leading expert on trauma and addiction, notes that children are hardwired to prioritize attachment over authenticity for survival, explaining why family of origin stress is often carried into adulthood. This dynamic creates a lasting imprint on the nervous system, affecting how individuals react to stress and how they relate to others later in life. The need to belong while hiding aspects of their authentic self often creates a chronic state of inner tension and hypervigilance, as the nervous system remains alert to potential rejection.
This bind between belonging and authenticity can lead to stress responses in adulthood, particularly around family gatherings or similar relational dynamics, where these early imprints are easily triggered.
Healing these patterns involves learning to create a sense of safety within the self, where belonging and authenticity can coexist. This allows the nervous system to experience safety BEing our authentic selves.
Recognizing Triggers and Cultivating Safety BEing
When we’re in the presence of family, even subtle cues—such as a tone of voice or a familiar look—can trigger survival responses that were ingrained in childhood.
These automatic responses pull us away from our authentic selves, making us feel less present and more reactive. The good news is that we can create a buffer against these triggers by cultivating safety in our nervous system, allowing us to approach situations from a place of authenticity and self-compassion.
Create a BEingness Toolkit
The key to your nervous system feeling safe and regulated during high-stress times like the holiday season is to develop your “tool kit” now so you have a "go-to” practice or two that you know works for you. Trying to get yourself to “calm down” in the heat of the moment with new tools and practices you’ve never used before is ineffective, and in fact may create and even greater stress response.
Creating your toolkit doesn’t take much time, and it feels empowering to know you can shift your experience when you need it most. The important factors are consistency, and using body based practices.
The Science of Embodied Micropractice
Research on embodied micropractices for nervous system rewiring suggests that short, 1-4 minute sessions, practiced 2-5 times per day is highly effective because it builds familiarity in the nervous system, creating a "safe reset" that becomes second nature. A study in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine found that people practicing brief, daily breathing exercises showed improved stress resilience within a few weeks, as compared to those practicing intermittently.
Engaging in micropractices over several weeks or months is key to long-term nervous system rewiring. A 6-week study published in Frontiers in Psychology demonstrated that daily, consistent breathwork and grounding exercises led to significant reductions in anxiety and stress, indicating that the effects of micropractices are cumulative.
Why Body Based Practices vs Meditation?
Approximately 80% of the parasympathetic nervous system resides in the body, primarily through the vagus nerve, connecting the brain to various organs, influencing functions in the heart, lungs, digestive tract, and other organs. Embodied practices are particularly effective for nervous system regulation, as they work directly with the body’s physical responses to stress by engaging the parasympathetic nervous system more directly than cognitive-only methods like meditation
A study published in Frontiers in Human Neuroscience highlights that engaging the body in practices like deep breathing or movement can reduce cortisol levels and activate the vagus nerve, key components in reducing stress.
The bottom line? Short, frequent, and consistent embodied micropractices are the most effective formula for, allowing the nervous system to gradually adjust to a new, more resilient baseline.
Beyond the Science… The Art of BEing
I tell my clients, “ It’s not about “doing a practice”, rather it’s a sacred invitation to BE, and connect with yourself. Allowing yourself to feel how these practices effect your experience of "BEing authentically ME”. Tuning into what happens in your Body, Emotional, Mental and Essence realms. What feels good and right? What do you notice are your resources? What are you longing for? In essence you are attaching and attuning to yourself. This is the art of how you rewire your nervous system and rewrite our story.
Below are some videos to help you compassionately understand your experience of BEing, as well as some embodied micropractices, including my favorite one; Authentic Alignment. You do not need to do them all, rather notice which ones make you feel good, better, right, more connected, calmer in each of the BE ME realms, and use them to create your own toolkit.
Entering the Holidays with Presence
As you move into the holiday season, remember that your nervous system may respond to old patterns, and that’s okay. By recognizing these responses, you give yourself the opportunity to shift back into a state of BEingness where you’re fully connected to your authentic self.
Wishing you a holiday season that feels centered, calm, present and connected
🧡
MEgan
KEEP ME INFORMED ON HOW TO BECOME BODYWISE
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